I would like to introduce you to Nina Epstein, wife, mother, working professional, and alderwoman on the city council in the City of Kankakee Illinois. Nina and I sat down for coffee at Devon’s coffee shop. Here is a candid look at the new candidate for Mayor.

Nina is one of those people who are simply dynamic. She was born and raised in the City of Kankakee, Illinois and met her husband while attending college at the University of Illinois. They married later and moved to Washington, she never saw herself moving back home but a few years later she and her husband were moving back to Kankakee for good.

Q: How did you step through the threshold from community involvement into the political arena?

Nina: I didn’t go looking for it; actually someone, a previous alderman called and asked me to run for office. The alderman at the time was not going to run in the upcoming election. At first I thought, why me? You know I didn’t say yes or no, I simply said I needed to think about it and discuss it with my family. After talking with my family who were in support of my running and thinking it through I decided to run. It was difficult in that I am at heart a very private person.  There were so many things to do, forms to be filled out and turned in, a petition with so many signatures, and so forth. Another hard part of this was the fund raising, I had to go out and ask for money. There were a lot of firsts for me.

Q: How long have you been on the city council?

Nina: For seven years now. I also sit on different boards, commissions, and committees. There is always a great deal of meetings. But they are all important, like all communities at this time; we are working to find beneficial long term solutions to an ever changing world.

Q: When you look at where you are now do you feel satisfied with your accomplishments in an overall sense?

Nina: No, no, no. It’s nothing like that. You see in 20 or so years no one will remember who I was or what I did.  It isn’t about being accomplished in the sense most people think of it. It’s about being me and being willing to grow, to expand outside of comfort zones and to learn. In the end those who will remember me are my loved ones. They are the ones who will know, to whom it will matter, and by whom I will be remembered.

Q: I understand you are presently running for Mayor in the City of Kankakee. This is a daunting task for any candidate, do you feel it will be more so because you are a woman.

Nina: Well No, I really don’t. It’s obvious I am a woman, there is no need to name the elephant in the room, and we all know it’s there.  :: laughter::   However, I’ve no doubt that someone will try to make it an issue.  I truly believe that anyone running for an office like this faces a daunting task.  It’s about getting out there and answering questions. Knowing there are people who will take potshots at me, and being able to take it in stride. The election isn’t about my being a woman; it’s about being a mayor and all the responsibility that comes with it.

Q: Do you feel being established as an alderman for several years will make a difference:

Nina: Yes. I believe that in having been an alderman for several years I’ve come to know and to work with many in our community and many who have moved into our community. These people know me; they know what I’m about.

Nina: There is so much work to be done in any community. Many challenges, changes and for many it’s frustrating. The wheels of change move slowly in government. People want change, they want hope.  It’s simply hard waiting for it to happen.  I encourage people to become involved, to ask questions and to hear answers or proposals. People don’t always realize that because they don’t like an answer doesn’t mean it’s the wrong one.

Q: What do you enjoy most in daily life ?

Nina: My family. I love being with family; my husband, my daughter, my home. I love to clean, to enjoy quiet time and the simple moments in life.

Nina is a dynamic lady, at the age of 60; she has more energy and drive than many of us. She didn’t go looking for office, it came looking for her. She tells me sometimes life knows where you need to be and what you’re supposed to be doing. All we have to do is be willing to step outside our comfort zones and grow.

I have to say that Nina is woman of many facets. I would not call her a politician. I would call her an inspiration, and a mentor.

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Ever wonder why your child will sometimes go with the flow, nothing can stop her as she bounds off into whatever adventure awaits, while other times she clings and claws as if her very life depended on it?

K.N.R. can be the source of much discord for parents as well as children. The actual condition is often overlooked or misdiagnosed by well meaning parents and professionals. It affects almost 100% of children and adults at some time in their lives.

What is KNR?

Kid’s Not Ready.

Hard to believe? Consider this: Have you ever had a time when you decided to cease the struggle and allow you child to retreat from something, only to find that later on they approach it with the vigor and enthusiasm you’d hoped for initially? Kid wasn’t ready, and now kid is ready.

Does your child:

• Have vague reasoning when avoiding doing something you’d like him to experience?
• Shut down and revert to non-verbal responses?
• Make decisions based on “because I don’t want to”?
• Not perform up to the capabilities you and other adults have determined he is capable of performing?
• Are you having power struggles over what seem to be the silliest things?

These and other symptoms are often the result of KNR.

Kid’s Not Ready. This, quite simply, is often the reason you find yourself exasperated and your child frustrated.

What we often label as power struggles or stubbornness or shyness or insecurity is often KNR.

Sometimes parents view this as Kid’s Not Smart or Kid’s Being Difficult, when what is possibly occurring is Parent’s Not Listening. We all want out kids to be happy and smart and successful and socially adept.
What we need to remember is that our children’s time frame is often different from ours and, in the interest of avoiding unproductive comparisons, other children’s.

From not being ready for separating from parents, or being expected to do tasks or academics that are beyond their current scope of ability, to not feeling ready to enter into a romantic relationship, these phases and stages happen throughout childhood and beyond. When your child is emotionally, cognitively and developmentally ready, the ease at which they approach these things will be worth the wait, patience and understanding it took to get there.

If you’re still not convinced that it might be something as simple as KNR, the next time you find yourself in a situation where you are totally baffled by your child’s behavior or response to something, ask yourself these questions:

1. Has this type of behavior arisen in the past? Is there a connection to how it’s showing up now?
2. Are there other circumstances where the initial response was this type of behavior, and over time shifted?
3. Is this inconsistent with how she approaches other, more familiar circumstances? Have other factors (fear, misunderstanding, dynamics) been ruled out?

Of course only you can accurately assess this. You know you child best, so give yourself some credit for all the great things you do to help your child grow securely into the next phase, and give your child some credit for acting on his intuition or performing to the level at which he is currently able.

What’s the best cure for KNR?

Your responses will of course depend on your child’s age and stage of development. The crucial factor to remember is acknowledging what you are witnessing is what will help your child process. This doesn’t mean you can force your child to be ready, but what this will do is build the trust that will aid in an understanding of what is motivating your child, and help your child attain what it is they need at the time.

Begin with what you see:

“You seem to be disinterested in practicing your times tables.”

“Staying at preschool is hard for you.”

“You’ve been invited to the movies with _____, but don’t want to go.”

Now the hard part. Wait. Listen. Leave lots of silence if necessary. This may not open the floodgates, but if you state the facts of what you see, and leave some space, your child has the opportunity to relax and think about the situation without the feeling of pressure or judgment.

KNR will show up throughout their lives, and with some practice, patience, and personal reflection, you and your child can navigate this unpredictable terrain called family relationships!

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I’m in Park City, Utah on a family vacation having a wonderful time. Guess what? I initially didn’t want to get away for a family vacation. I mean it’s not that I didn’t want to go to Park City. I love Park City. It is a peaceful, cozy town nestled between some magnificent mountains. It’s not that I didn’t want to have special time with my family. Then what was it? This is the same conversation that I bet you’ve had over and over again when it is time for you to get away. The conversation goes something like this:

“I don’t have time to go away.”
“I’ve got too much work to do.”
“I don’t have anyone to take care of the kids.” (If it is a get-away just for you or you and your significant other)

When I shared these ridiculous excuses with my husband Greg, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. We have had this vacation planned and paid for months ago. It probably didn’t help much that I was still protesting about all the reasons why I could not go even after we had boarded the plane and were heading down the runway for takeoff!

The minute we arrived in Park City, my whole attitude changed. I was exactly where I needed to be at this moment and time in my life. I needed a change in environment–we all do. This is a concept that I often share with the women I serve. (It is obviously one that I’m still learning myself!) If we stay in the same environment day after day, year after year, it is a real challenge to see your life in any other way. I have an exercise that I use in my Women’s Success Circles called “reframing.” It allows you to “reframe” situations in your life so that you can see new possibilities and silver linings. This exercise works well if you can do it in a peaceful, reflective environment. Being in your home or office with all of your “shoulds” and responsibilities can make it a challenge to be peaceful and reflective.

Still can’t get your arms around making that leap to get away? Here are a few tips that will help you make the decision so that you, too, can get a new, fresh look at your life while enjoying some time off:

1. Get it on your calendar in ink – This is probably the best tip I will give you. Decide where you want to go and book it. No matter how many excuses I came up with, the fact was, the airplane tickets had been purchased and the place we were going to stay was paid for. If none of this had been done ahead of time, my excuses may have won the battle.

2. Go local – If your budget won’t allow for an extended trip right now, no problem. Just driving one hour from your home and staying in a new environment changes everything. The women who work with me in both my Success Circles and privately at the B&B by the beach in Los Angeles report that a half-day to 24 hours creates dramatic, positive change in their lives. They give themselves permission to “reframe” different aspects of their lives.

3. Quality not Quantity – Organize your time away so that it works for you and everyone else that goes with you. For example, we have our time in Park City set up so that everyone gets plenty of time together as a family and plenty of time alone. Our kids attend some of the local camps during part of our vacation. This gives them the opportunity to meet new children and do lots of fun outdoor activities in a group and it gives me some alone time that I desperately need. The statement I just made is sometimes difficult for women to hear–”alone time that I desperately need.” Women with or without children who lead busy lives never get enough alone time. This is a time to reconnect with your Authentic self. It is a time for you to spend “checking-in” with you rather than everyone else in your life. This is a crucial action step to take periodically if you have a desire to live a passionate, purposeful life.

4. Limit your Access – Create some “barriers” around your time. One of the reasons I love my work is that I can do it most anywhere, anytime. I have some women that I will work with while I’m away by phone and in person. However, I have designed that time around the activities that I want to do (biking, ice-skating, family, reading, etc.). Be vigilant about not checking email or voicemail all the time. Take some time to “honor yourself.”

As I sit here looking at the majestic mountains and gorgeous Aspen trees, it is difficult to imagine that at one point, I could have missed this time in my life. Don’t miss yours. Smart Women Get Away.

Anything is possible. Everything is waiting for you.

***** 

Copyright 2009 Joy Chudacoff
 
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:  Joy Chudacoff, ICF, PCC, is the founder of Smart Women Smart Solutions(tm), a Professional Certified Coach to 1000’s of women, Motivational Speaker, and Entrepreneur.  She publishes a weekly buzz generating ezine, Reflections On Life and Business for Women Entrepreneurs.  If you’re ready take your life and your business to the next level, get your FREE Tips, FREE Report and FREE MP3 now at http://www.ProfitsWithPassion.com.

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Kathy Davis scattered seeds of joy and grew a garden of success.

Step inside an American Greetings retailer, such as Carlton Cards, and you’ll come face to face with a prominent display of the Kathy Davis collection, including cards, gift bags and mugs bearing Davis’ signature artwork and calligraphy.

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