Do you remember when you were a teenager and you realized for the first time that your parents had sex? Remember your reaction? Ewww!

The general perception is, I believe, that at a certain indeterminate but not too old age, people, especially your parents yikes, stop having any interest in sex. Many women still believe that menopause signals the end of their sex lives primarily I suppose because of the sometimes severe mood swings and parching vaginal dryness that can accompany menopause. And up until a few years ago, there was a certain age after which many men found it difficult to attain or maintain an erection.  Result for both men and women? No sex. A quick goodnight kiss and they both rolled over.

That was then; this is now. Change your thinking about sex and aging or be guilty of the least acknowledged, least spoken about form of ageism.

And of course, this concept is old, out of date, prejudicial and really silly. Both men and women have access to solutions for many of the barriers against having sex beyond menopause. It’s a short list – vaginal lubricants for women, erectile dysfunction medication for men. And it’s a billion dollar market.

But beyond the physical facts of older age sex lies the much more harmful mainstream thinking about it. Younger people rarely want to even consider such a possibility, let alone accept it as fact. Ageism again, see?

And it is a fact of life; make no mistake. Men and women in their 60s, 70s, and (I hope) 80s are enjoying sex like never before. No worries about little ones walking into the room, no shortages of time that we faced when we’re younger, no lack of interest because we’re just so tired from the rest of our demanding lives. And no fear of pregnancy.

Now, at an age when many of us are retired from our full time jobs, we suddenly have the time, perhaps for the first time in years, to rediscover our own libido, rediscover our husband/partner, rediscover the joy of sex.

I don’t have any figures on how many single or divorced or widowed women in their 50s, 60s and up are re-entering the dating arena, often with online dating sites, meeting new men, trying on a new version of an old part of their lives. But the number is a large one.

Not to be too graphic, but what I read, hear and experience personally is that

re-found sex is a whole different ballgame, including less inhibition, more experimentation and a previously unachieved intimacy. So the thought that this, um, activity is uncommon, distasteful, bizarre, is a bias with a capital B, ageism with a capital A.

We need to change our thinking about older men and women having a sex life just as we need to change our thinking about older people being addled, inactive, unproductive, unimportant. We need to understand that all people of all ages have an interest in and even a right to great sex. And it would be nice if we could support those in our lives who are entering into this amazing stage of their lives. It would be nice if we could erase this ageist concept. The moaning you hear from that bedroom may not be your parent’s aching bodies!

Because this is Where We’re Going and I’m just getting started!

© Marcia Barhydt, 2010

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Celebrate Age! www.willowtree.ca

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